After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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