You can't motorboat a personality
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
