so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
