dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
