she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
