this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
