my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
