I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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