I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
