I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
