Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
