Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize