oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
