dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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