I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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