Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize