got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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