all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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