If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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