you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
