If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
