The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
