How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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