So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
