What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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