College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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