think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
