I think my vagina is haunted
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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