you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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