can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
