quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
