Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
