I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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