and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
