I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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