i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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