dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize