please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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