Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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