he told me I talked like a deaf person
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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