Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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