I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
