Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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