i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
