Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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