i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And the cops told us we were all naked.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
