I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
