Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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