no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
