I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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