we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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