i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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