Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
