She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
