did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How external is "for external use only"?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
