God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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