Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
