Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
