Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
