I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
