I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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