I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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