He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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