I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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