I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
