The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
