When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize