You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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