My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize