i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she peed on how many people?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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