You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
