Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
