You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
