Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize