Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
