if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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