BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
