I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
