I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
