I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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