booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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