Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize