Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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