I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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