So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
