i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
