i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
