I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
