the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
