Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
