no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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