belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
