barbara walters just said penis...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
