The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
