she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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