Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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