Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
