I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
