I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize