My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize