Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
