You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
