Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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