Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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