If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
