I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize