We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
