Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
