Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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