new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
