the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
