she told me i tasted like america
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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